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My Hardest Decision
Through out my teenage years I always had it made. I had security, support of my family, and other things. When I turned 16 I had found out something that would change my life forever, I was pregnant.

As a teenager I was anorexic, therefore meaning I had a problem with getting fat. If I had gained just a little bit of weight I went on a crash diet (eating nothing at all for a period of time) till I lost the weight I had gained. For a period of time I had went through a spell of doing nothing but eating. My mom had started to ask questions, and I had told her everything was ok; I was just going through one of my eating spells.

My uncle had accidentally dropped me on a cement block therefore resulting in hurting my tailbone. So for the rest of my life my tailbone would freeze up where I could not move or just hurt all the time. The moral of this part is when I was 16 my tailbone had frozen up and my mom and brother had taken me to the hospital. I would have never known this would be a turning point in my life. The doctor took x-rays to find out what was wrong and later sent us home telling us he would call us if anything abnormal showed up.

Later on that day we were all just watching television then the phone rang. Little did I know what he was about to tell me would result in the actions I had to take. I answered the phone and it was the doctor. He had proceeded to tell me the x-rays were fine except one thing, and the words he had told me put me in shock. There is a fetus head in your x-ray, at that age I had no clue what the heck a fetus head was, so I had asked him what that meant and he proceeded to tell me you are pregnant . I had dropped the phone like a very hot potato coming out of the microwave. Then my mother had picked up the phone. My mother and I sound alike over the phone so the doctor thought he was still speaking with me. Then all of a sudden I hear my mom yelling She s what? . Not too long after that she hung up the phone; meanwhile, I was in the hallway of our trailer crying my eyes out because I knew what was about to happen. My dad had always told me if I ever got pregnant he was going to kick me out.

The rest of that is a blur up to when they had decided to take me to an unwed mother s home. This is where teens go to have their babies who are not married. I cannot recall any adults that was pregnant there. We had filled out the paper work to put me in there and they began to ask several questions that I had no idea what they meant, so my mom had helped me on that part. Then they began to ask what I want to do about this, as far as keeping the baby once I got out or giving it up for adoption? At that time I was still confused so they let me have a couple of days to decide while I got settled into the routine.

A couple of days passed by and several people had came to talk to me, such as a social worker and a woman who does adoption. My mom had came back to visit with me and I had spoken with her on what she thinks I should do. My mom had told me Sweetie it is your decision and it is one you will have to make on your own. When I heard these words my heart sank because I knew what I had to do. There was no way I could have kept my baby due to the fact I was only 16. I did not have a job, a house, or nothing to support the baby once born. They did tell me that there were shelters where I could stay till I got up on my feet, but at that time I did not see raising a child that way. I wanted her to have everything that a child is suppose to have; if she was with me, none of that would have happened. Therefore, I had decided to give her up to a family that was trying to have a baby for over 15 years. In my mind I felt that I had made the right decision.

Over the next few years on her birthday I would lock myself in my room and not come out except to go the restroom. Food did not interest me, nor did the company of anyone around me. On those days I really began to think about what I have done. One part of me told me I did the wrong thing because I should have taken responsibility of the fact and kept her to raise myself. The other half of me told me I did the right thing.

Altogether most of us learn something from what we have done. In my case, it has made me think and grow up before my time. To this day it still affects me but I know in my heart that one day we will be reunited.
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